February 13th, 2003
WWE Champion: Kurt Angle (since 12/15/02)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas (since 2/6/03)
WWE Cruserweight Champion: Billy Kidman (since 11/17/02)
Commentators: Michael Cole & Tazz
TONIGHT: An in depth look at the upcoming Hogan/Rock rematch plus a Bra & Panties Match between Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie because it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow & shit.
1) Edge vs. Charlie Haas (w/ Paul Heyman)
Haas keeps Edge grounded and dominates most of this using his amateur skills & background. Edge starts fighting back, Heyman gets on the apron and eats a spear. This allows Haas to roll up Edge and use the tights for the pin. Good little match while it lasts.
Match rating - **1/2
Cole & Taz try to make us excited for a Nathan Jones interview that’s happening later.
Backstage, Kurt Angle is waiting for Steph in her office. He has a rose for her. He tries to kiss her when BIG BROCK WALKS IN. And yes, it’s good shit. I love the way Brock says “Kurt” lmao. Steph announces Angle/Benjamin/Haas vs. Brock/Benoit/Edge for No Way Out. Angle don’t like dat.
Rikishi is here.. oh lord.
2) Rikishi vs. Nunzio
Nunzio dives over the top rope onto Rikishi and gets slammed to the floor for his troubles. This doesn’t get started as Nunzio’s “people” he referenced last week show up and attack Rikishi. His people are Chuck Palumbo & Johnny Stamboli. They hold Rikishi as Nunzio yells at him about how they’re family and that this is a lesson for him. Rikishi shoves Nunzio off so Nunzio.. kisses him then slaps him in the face. The “family” retreats as Nunzio yells “no one messes with the family.”
Cole & Tazz announce that Hogan & Rock will be face to face on Smackdown next week.
3) Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy
This is the start of Hardy’s quest to drop weight and join the Cruserweight division. It’s early 2000’s Mysterio so it rules. Crowd is heavy behind Rey and Matt is super annoying at this point in time. Rey busts out a bunch of cool stuff and there are some great nearfalls. Mysterio wins with the west coast pop.
Match rating - **3/4
Replays are shown of Brian Kendrick’s recent wild attempts to make a name for himself in WWE like single a jingle to the Undertaker and streaking through the arena. He & Sean O Haire are backstage talking when Bill Demott walks up and slams Kendrick into the lockers. O’Haire stops him and says he’s had enough “but I’m not telling you something you don’t already know.”
4) Chris Benoit vs. A-Train
Badass stiff TV brawl between two bastards. Benoit was doing push-ups in the back with bloodshot eyes before the match which set the tone for this jawn. Benoit taps A Train out with the cross face after a few minutes.
Match rating - **1/2
Torrie Wilson gets asked by Joe Francis to be a special guest on an upcoming Girls Gone Wild Spring Break PPV special. She agrees but warns that she can get “pretty wild.”
Replays of 4 months ago where Show threw Taker off the stage and shit. Heyman has a box in the ring again and it’s another gift from Show to Taker. I soon discover this is the infamous Chris Kanyon / Taker segment where many speculated that Taker was extra stiff on Kanyon as he had recently came out as being gay and that having him come out of a box was another way to make fun of him coming out. I could believe it considering Taker is a blue lives matter headass so this was fucking annoying to watch. Taker gave Kanyon one of the hardest chair shots to the head ever and I want to throw up. Fuck this.
To double up on problematic shit, John Cena makes a “turning dogs into fried rice” joke to Funaki during a backstage segment.
5) Eddie Guerrero vs. Shelton Benjamin
This doesn’t last more than a few minutes, but it’s fun while it does. Shelton gets the big win after a distraction from Charlie Haas that causes Eddie to miss the frog splash.
Match rating - **1/2
Hogan/Rock II vignette airs
Hugh Hefner is here to announce that a WWE Diva will be on the cover of Playboy magazine in the near future. Too bad Jerry isn’t here for this one.
6) Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie - Bra & Panties Match
So this was a spectacle. They do several cradle roll ups which makes no sense, but everyone gets stripped down including Nidia who did a run in so I guess this is a win? Torrie gets the victory and smacks Nidia’s ass in the process before teasing her ass to the crowd.
CENA/BROCK TALE OF THE TAPE. THEIR MATCH IS NEXT.
7) Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena
Truly great shit here. Lesnar is amazing in his role and these glorified extended squashes and Cena is the perfect dude you wanna see get his ass beat at this time, after a cringy rap on the way to the ring. This just ruled. Brock threw Cena around and yeah, he wins.
Match rating - ***
After the match, Brock calls Kurt Angle to the ring. Lots of teasing and a commercial break during this as Angle comes out and says he will face Brock for the title right now, only to back out. Brock works him into agreeing to have the match next week before whooping his ass. Team Angle comes out and Brock whoops their ass too. Angle bails out with the title. I guess we are getting Mania early next week?
Ok guys that’s all for this ep. Sorry if the quality of this review dwindled toward the end, I watched this episode in like 5 different sittings because I was so busy and could never finish it so I had to rewatch some stuff, but also opted to just go off memory for some of it so yeah. Back in gear now though. Bye <3