August 21st, 2003
WWE Champion: Kurt Angle (since 7/27/03)
WWE United States Champion: Eddie Guerrero (since 7/27/03)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas (since 7/3/03)
WWE Cruserweight Champion: Rey Mysterio (since 6/5/03)
Commentators - Michael Cole & Tazz
The WWE Champion Kurt Angle opens the show. It’s his first appearance since two weeks ago where Brock Lesnar assaulted him in the steel cage and aligned with Mr. McMahon. Angle wants Brock Lesnar in the ring right now. Instead, he gets Mr. McMahon who says what we all could’ve guessed—- he’s not getting Brock or even Vince tonight. Vince says he does have a little warm up match for him, though… The Big Show. Angle says that’s fine, but he doesn’t want a match.. he wants a FIGHT. Angle and Show lock horns and brawl in the entrance way and referees have to pull Kurt away.
Back from commercial, The Big Show is flipping shit.. literally and figuratively. It’s pretty fucking hilarious because Vince is yelling for him to calm down and then makes the match with Angle later a Falls Count Anywhere Street Fight SINCE YOU BOTH WAMT A FIGHT GOD DAMMIT!!!~~
1) Rey Mysterio (w/ Billy Kidman) vs. Matt Hardy (w/ Shannon Moore)
This is a blast. Hardy and Mysterio are perfect counterparts for one another character wise at this point in time. It goes around 7-8 minutes and Hardy tries to cheat, but Zach Gowen runs down to prevent it which allows Rey to SPIKE Hardy with a west coast pop for the win.
Match rating - ***
Backstage, Brock Lesnar and Mr. McMahon are talking. They try to decide on an opponent for Brock tonight because it’s only fair since Kurt has a match tonight. Vince suggests Zach Gowen and Brock LOVES the idea especially since they’re in Zach’s hometown. Brock says he’s gonna break Zach’s other leg.. fuck.
Back to ringside, Cole & Tazz announce that Stephanie is suffering internal injuries from last week’s attack, which they also replay.
Meanwhile, Billy Gunn, Jamie Noble, Nidia & Torrie are walking backstage. Lord knows what they have in store for us.
Back at ringside again, Michael Cole interviews Zach Gowen’s mom about everything and his match with Brock later. That poor woman has no idea what’s to come.
2) Billy Gunn & Jamie Noble (w/ Torrie Wilson & Nidia) vs. The Basham Brothers (w/ Shaniqua)
WHAT A LINEUP. I need a mixed tag match out of this god dammit. Or they can all just fuck since they’re such a horny group of people. So this was funny, but also bad. They do a terrrible switch finish with the Bashams even though they’re pretty easy to differentiate.. to me at least. This scores them the win, though.
Match rating - *1/2
Backstage, Brock Lesnar tells Zach Gowen that after he’s done with him tonight, he won’t have a leg to stand on.
And sure enough, it’s time. This is technically a match, but not really. It’s a fucking massacre. Brock Lesnar destroys Zach Gowen and makes him bleed like a stuck pig right in front of his mother. He taunts her all the while doing so. A vicious chair shot to the head opens Gowen up and an F5 to the ring post finishes things. Gowen bleeds buckets as his mom hops the rail and officials put him on a stretcher. They start pushing him away AND LESNAR FLIPS HIM OFF THE STRETCHER JESUS CHRIST. Lesnar wipes Zach’s blood all over him. This was fucking nuts and one of the most memorable Smackdown segments of all time.
After the commercial, Cole & Tazz sell what Lesnar just did and how disgusted they are with him. Cole, in particular, is infuriated and says he hopes Kurt Angle breaks every bone in Lesnar’s body at SummerSlam.
After another commercial break, John Cena comes out and raps. He makes a Gowen joke.. terrible timing and makes a ton of jokes on Detroit.
3) John Cena & A-Train vs. The Undertaker & Orlando Jordan
Seeing Taker work with all these younger guys is so interesting. Cena & Albert isolate Jordan here and it builds to the hot tag to Taker. Taker cleans house and A-Train tries to bring in a chair while Taker is taking it to Cena. Orlando Jordan dives over the referee to prevent it which was a sick spot. However, he’s unable to prevent an apron shot to the head with Cena’s chain from Train to Taker. This leads to Cena getting the pin.
Match rating - **1/4
Backstage after commercial, Sable puts A-Train up against the wall and feels him up. She says Vince wanted her to personally thank him for all he’s done the last few weeks and hands him a key to the penthouse suite. Looks like A-Train has some plans tonight.
4) Eddie Guerrero & Rhyno vs. Chris Benoit & Tajiri
This was a little short and that’s unfortunate, but they made the most of the time they had. It was pretty much pedal to the floor the whole. Rhyno gores the hell out of Tajiri for the win.
Match rating - **1/4
Post match, Eddie turns on Rhyno and smashes him with the US Title as a way of sending home the message that on Sunday in the Fatal Four Way, it’s every man for himself.
5) Kurt Angle vs. The Big Show - Falls Count Anywhere Street Fight
This is an okay match. It’s not quite what you’d hope or expect given how great both men have been recently. They just kinda go all gas no brakes here which is fine, but with that in mind, it’s mainly just STUFF with no real fluidity. Some cool spots, though. Kurt wins with an angle slam through a table.
Match rating - **1/2
Brock Lesnar comes down and they do a staredown with he and Kurt to end the show. SummerSlam is this Sunday!!!