February 3rd, 2003
World Heavyweight Champion - Triple H (since 12/15/02)
World Tag Team Champions - William Regal & Lance Storm (since 1/20/03)
WWE Women's Champion - Victoria (since 11/17/02)
Commentary - Jim Ross & Jerry "The King" Lawler
“Eric Bischoff is on his way to hook up with Stone Cold Steve Austin.”
Eric Bischoff is in the back of a limo in “Greater San Antonio” and he’s on the phone with CHIEF MORLEY. Long story short, Morley has been left in charge whilst Bischoff heads to Texas to try to find Stone Cold Steve Austin and get him to sign a Raw contract.
TONIGHT: Chris Jericho vs. Scott Steiner - #1 Contender’s Match
STACY KEIBLER heads to the ring with Test. This is Stacy’s first appearance since getting accidentally cracked with a chair by Chris Jericho a few weeks ago. Test demands an apology from Jericho. Jericho comes out and beats around the bush and makes it all about his match tonight against Steiner because he has bigger things to worry about than this. Test gives Jericho five seconds to apologize before he TAKES IT OUT OF HIS ASS. Christian attacks Test from behind and knocks him into Stacy. OUCH. Test fights back and beats Christian’s ass and helps Stacy up.
Backstage, Kane and RVD are arguing about what happened last week with Kane running off when his mask was ripped off. Morley walks up and makes a match between them tonight.
1) The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray & D-Von Dudley) vs. Jamal & Rosey
I was about to say there’s no Rico here tonight only for Morley to come out and make Rico the special ref for this. So yeah... you know this was a fucking mess. Slow count for Bubba, quick count and a victory for Jamal & Rosey. Post match, Spike runs down to even the odds and they put Rico through a table.
Meanwhile, Eric and his limo driver are LOST in Texas and they are fumbling with a map trying to figure out where to go.
TONIGHT: Booker T & Goldust vs. Lance Storm & William Regal for the Tag Team Titles
Tommy Dreamer comes out for a match. Triple H, Batista, Randy Orton & Ric Flair walk out. H is on crutches, but the rest of them beat Tommy’s ass. H gets the mic and says in life, everything evolves. YES THIS IS THE EVOLUTION PROMO. Up to this point, their alliance had no name but now we get a name to the face. Let’s goooo.
Backstage, Terri decides to show Scott Steiner footage of what has happened to him at the hands of Evolution the past few weeks. Scott doesn’t seem phased and said he’s gonna take care of business with “these” and then shows us his arms.
Meanwhile, Evolution is up in the skybox.
“GET THE WORLD CHAMP SOMETHIN, HUH!?” -Ric Flair
Back in Texas, Eric Bischoff knocks on what is supposedly Stone Cold Steve Austin’s door. Some gutted fuck in a cowboy hat named Beaufort says Austin isn’t here. He says he’s at the longhorn saloon downtown. OH HELL. Eric is about to go see Austin at a bar.. I hope.. cause I’m gonna die laughing.
2) Victoria (w/ Steven Richards) vs. Molly Holly
“What is Molly dressed for.. a picnic?”
“She looks like she’s going to a Fleetwood Mac concert.”
So yeah Molly is in full Karen attire. Why? I have no god damned idea. This is... a prolonged squash and it’s not terrible. It just happens. Victoria wins and Jazz comes out and starts tearing into Molly Holly. Victoria tries to join in and Jazz pushes her away. Stare down between Victoria and Jazz. Victoria & Richards slowly back away from the ring.
GOLDUST AND BOOK OUT BACK. Book is “hot” and fired up. Goldust seems to be back to doubting himself/their team and says if they lose, they should go their separate ways. He says Book can do much more on his own. Book says if that’s what he wants that’s how it can be. Goldy gets emotional and says “I love you” but Book gets riled up again and says they’re gonna light up Regal & Storm.
3) William Regal & Lance Storm (c) vs. Booker T & Goldust - World Tag Team Championship Match
They have the old belt design in the graphic for this.. smh. 2003 WWE really be doin it. I’m emotionally invested in this honestly. I don’t wanna see Book & Goldy part ways :( just as this is getting going, Book gets a hot tag and Book and Goldy run into each other during the heat of the moment and Storm pins Goldust. Man.. fuck this. Regal & Storm retain.
Match rating - **1/4
Book calls Goldust in the ring post match. Goldust is bleeding from the nose. Book says he’s enjoyed every second they had together and they hug. This fucking sucks. Goldust tears up and I really hate this lmao.
Eric walks into the Longhorn Saloon and gets made fun of for trying to order a martini. Stone Cold has apparently hopped to another bar so Eric heads to find him there.
4) Rob Van Dam vs. Kane
They do stuff and it’s fun. Jeff Hardy runs down and causes a DQ as he pushes Van Dam off the top rope. Hardy then slaps Kane and gets chokeslammed. After the bell, Van Dam hits a five star on Hardy for good measure. Van Dam & Kane leave together.
Match rating - **
Back from commercial, Booker is looking for Goldust backstage. Jeff Hardy is still laying beat to shit in the middle of the ring. Shawn Michaels comes out. He says he was gonna send a message to Chris Jericho, but since he has his hands full he’s gonna give Jeff Hardy some advice. This ends with Hardy saying he’s gonna start kicking some ass around here and it starts with HBK. Shawn super kicks him and that’s over & done with.
Second Sean O’ Haire vignette of the night airs.
5) Maven vs. D’Lo Brown (w/ Teddy Long)
This is a squash match. D’Lo wins. Teddy cuts a promo afterwards and tries to get the crowd to chant ‘down with the brown.’
In the skybox, H tells Batista & Orton that the Jericho/Steiner match is up next and asks if they know what to do. They say yes and H says “THEN GO DO IT”
Bischoff is at another bar and of course, Austin isn’t there. Someone makes fun of Eric and he smashes them with a beer glass.
Meanwhile, Batista & Orton are looking for Scott Steiner. They find Goldust. Orton says “hey loser, have you seen Scott Steiner?” Goldust has his head in his hands and Orton slaps him and they start fighting. They slam Goldust into an electrical panel and shit starts blowing up OMG.
6) Scott Steiner vs. Chris Jericho - #1 Contender's Match
This is surprisingly pretty good. It doesn't go too long. Jericho is in full dickhead mode, Steiner throws him around. H & Flair are watching from the balcony. Steiner hits a huge samoan drop off the top turnbuckle on Jericho and secures the victory. It's Steiner/H II at No Way Out in a few weeks. I'm sure everyone is reeeeeal stoked on that.
Match rating - **1/2
Backstage, Morley is on the phone with Bischoff explaining that things haven't gone too good. Vince McMahon walks in and says it doesn't seem like things are going to well and that he & Bischoff are running out of time. Good way to hype the big job evaluation shit for next week.