April 3rd, 2003
WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar (since 3/30/03)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas (since 2/6/03)
WWE Cruserweight Champion: Matt Hardy (since 2/23/03)
Commentators - Michael Cole & Tazz
That amazing WM19 recap vid that they showed on Raw airs again here and the NOSTALGIA REIGNS ALL OVER AGAIN BABY.
AND HERE COMES STEPH. Smackdown General Manager Stephanie McMahon says both Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar are out for a few weeks due to injuries from their main event this past Sunday, but during those weeks, we will crown a new #1 contender to Brock Lesnar’s WWE Championship. Steph reveals a tournament bracket and the first match is NOW!
1) The Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio - #1 Contenders Tournament Match
Match rating - **3/4
2) Brian Kendrick vs. Jamie Noble (w/ Nidia)
Kendrick is a regular on Smackdown now it seems :) I love that and seeing him run down to his very fitting entrance music made me very happy. This is another sprint, but also a blast. Kendrick grabs the win out of nowhere, and the crowd loves it.
Match rating - **1/2
Matt Hardy & Shannon Moore were on commentary for this and attack Brian Kendrick after the bell. Hardy then challenges Brock Lesnar to a champion vs champion match next week!!! Let’s go!! Brian Kendrick attacks HARDY FROM BEHIND, but eats a twist of fate. Poor Spanky :(
Piper’s Pit returns to Smackdown next week!
3) Chris Benoit vs. A-Train - #1 Contender’s Tournament Match
These two grizzled motherfuckers go at it for 9-10 minutes so you know it’s gooD SHIT PAL. Just two fellas tussling around and going stiff, too. A-Train gets the upper hand for a bit, but gives Benoit much more separation than he should’ve and gets caught in a cross face before he knows it and is forced to tap. Benoit is headed to the second round.
Match rating - ***
Sean O’Haire video package.
Camera pans up and we see TORRIE GETTIN DRESSED for her ‘playboy coming out party’
..and this seg-ways into BASIC THUGANOMICS back in the arena. Man, fuck. If any other god damn seg-way could hit me in the nostalgia like I’m 9 again.. it’s that one. Deadass felt straight out of the first Smackdown vs. Raw video game that I played non stop. Anyways.
4) John Cena vs. Eddie Guerrero - #1 Contender’s Tournament Match
Michael Cole: “John Cena with enough where-with-all to..”
Tazz: “Where with all? …”
Match rating - **3/4
Michael Cole: “WHAT IS THIS?”
Tazz: “Looks like a long black limo..”
Hulk Hogan arrives in his limo with his son Nick and Jimmy Hart.
Torrie Wilson comes out. Huge posters of her Playboy cover are in the ring. She teases giving everyone a taste of what’s in the magazine, live in the ring tonight. She starts unzipping her top and SABLE SHOWS UP HOLY HELL. She apologizes for interrupting, but she has a little coming out party of her own tonight because SABLE IS BACK IN THE WWE. She says she may have been gone for a while, but some things never change.. all the men come to see her and all the women wanna be her. She includes Torrie in that and points out that she was the first WWE diva to pose in playboy. Sable says some may think they won’t get along, but she thinks they will be the best of friends and proceeds to lightly kiss Torrie’s lips to end the segment.
5) Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas vs. Tajiri & Funaki
Man this show is a blast. Another verrry fun match here. Benjamin taunts Funaki and Tajiri kicks him from behind. He & Funaki get the upper hand aND THEY TAUNT THEM BACK. Hilarious shit. Rest of the match is a hoot, too. Just exactly what you’d expect from these guys. Benjamin & Haas get the win after a couple minutes.
Match rating - **1/2
John Cena is walking out of the arena and cuts a rap promo on Undertaker in prep for their match next week in the tournament. He says he’s gonnA MAKE THE DEADMAN FALL, LEAVE HIM LIKE A CLEAR POOL TABLE WJTH NO BALLS ~~
Nunzio and the rest of FBI head to meet up with The Undertaker. Nunzio and Taker sit down at a table. Nunzio explains their issues with his boy Nathan Jones and they want to bury the hatchet. Taker seems to be on the same page, but says he has a problem because they chose to start shit at WrestleMania and almost cost him his match. Everyone stands up and Nathan Jones walks up. Nunzio says they’ll handle this when they’re ready before walking off. Taker says him and Nathan AINT HARD TO FIND.
6) The Big Show vs. Rhyno - #1 Contender’s Tournament Match
This is definitely the weakest of the tourney matches tonight, but it’s in and out pretty quick so can’t really complain. Rhyno hitting stuff on Show popped me and the crowd. A-Train runs down a midst this and gets Show disqualified so Rhyno advances, but at what cost? Show and Train assault Rhyno after the bell.
Match rating - *3/4
Vince McMahon comes out to close the show with... an apology to Hulk Hogan. Following their war at Mania, Hogan is hesitant, but comes out. Vince tries to shake his hand, Hogan refuses. Vince says he understands, so Hogan thinks he may be serious and calls him back. They shake hands and Vince leaves. When he gets to the ramp, VINCE TURNS. As expected. Vince says he never loses and he isn't gonna fire Hogan, he's gonna pay him every bit of money his contract guarantees him while he sits at home and rots. Vince invites Hogan to the parking lot. We go to commercial and when we return Vince is standing in front of Hogan's limo where Hogan's son and Jimmy Hart are. Just as Hogan gets to Vince, security gets in front of Vince. Vince tells Hogan to get in the limo before he kicks his ass in front of his son. Hogan obliges to avoid causing an incident since he is clearly outnumbered. Vince throws his bags in the trunk, calls him a piece of shit and kicks the car yelling "GET THIS BASTARD OUT OF HERE" as the limo drives off. Show closes with Vince staring in the distance saying "I never lose, Hogan... I never lose."
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