July 10th, 2003
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar (since 3/30/03)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas (since 7/3/03)
WWE Cruserweight Champion: Rey Mysterio (since 6/5/03)
Commentators - Michael Cole & Tazz
WE’RE OVER HALFWAY THROUGH THE YEAR. HOW HAVE I MADE IT THIS FAR?!
Replays of Gowen’s triumphant victory last week air to open the show.
Kurt Angle hits the ring to start the night off and talk about the triple threat WWE Title match at Vengeance that Mr. McMahon made last week. Angle tells Brock & Show to BRING IT ON. JOHN CENA interrupts Kurt and in the most puny voice ever Michael Cole says
~”WAIT A MINUTE”~
God, that was hilarious. Cena has on a Wake Forest jersey. He raps on Kurt and says the arena will be empty when they finish the match at Vengeance. The main event should be Taker vs. Cena. Kurt’s face while Cena raps is fucking hilarious. Angle says he thinks he’s finally found someone in the company who is whiter than he is LMAOOOO. This turns into the infamous KURT ANGLE RAP SEGMENT OH MY FUCKING GODODNDBSJEJEEJJ.
“Hey, Ref, you do that beat box thing right? Come give me a funky beat.” -Kurt Angle
As always, Kurt calls Brian Hebner to drop the beat for him. This segment is a clsssic and you’ve probably already seen it so I’m not gonna recap it, just go watch it. Cena and Angle end up going face to face and it rules. Big Show comes out and chokeslams Kurt after Cena hit an FU on him.
1) Rey Mysterio & Billy Kidman vs. The Basham Brothers vs. APA (Bradshaw & Ron Simmons) vs. Chuck Palumbo & Johnny Stamboli - #1 Contender’s Match for the Tag Team Titles
Yo!! This is cool! The winner of this gets a tag title shot at Vengenace. Bradshaw & Danny Basham lock it up early and Bradshaw destroys him. FORESHADOWING TO THE JBL CABINET IN ~2005 LETS GO. This is Billy Kidman’s return match which is sick. They do an awesome spot of chaos to send us to break with The FBI and APA fighting to the back while Mysterio & Kidman do dives to the floor to take out the Bashams. Back from commercial, APA & FBI fought through the locker room area so it’s apparently down to Mysterio & Kidman and the Bashams in the ring for the #1 contendership. This closing stretch rules. Mysterio & Kidman haven’t lost a step since teaming together in WCW and the Bashams are decent enough to be a good base for them to do their stuff. Mysterio & Kidman win a blast of a match.
Match rating - ***
Backstage, Kurt is being iced up after the chokeslam and FU from earlier. Brock Lesnar comes in to check on him and tries to joke with him. Angle doesn’t think it’s funny and Lesnar says to calm down because “we’re gonna beat that big boy” at Vengeance. Angle says “we?” It’s every man for himself at the PPV!!
Zach Gowen’s contract signing is next. Stephanie McMahon comes out to introduce him. Zach is so happy and confident after realizing his dream and honestly.. it makes me so excited for what I know is coming, Mr. McMahon showing up to ruin his life all over again and sure enough, as soon as Zach signs the contract, Vince & Sable come out. Vince says he’s happy for both Zach & Steph. He announces Brock Lesnar’s punishment for helping Zach last week is a 3 on 1 handicap match later and that Zach’s punishment is facing him one on one at Vengeance. “You might have beat cancer, but you won’t be me.” FUCK. Sable hits Steph with an object and Vince & Sable leave.
Backstage after the commercial, Sable and Vince look to finally be about to get it on AND STEPH RUNS IN AND SPEARS SABLE OVER THE COUCH. HOLY HELL. Officials separate them and VINCE STARTS SCREAMINF. One of my favorite freak outs of his, honestly. He says if Steph wants to fight, she can fight Sable at Vengeance. Oh man..
2) Chris Benoit & Rhyno vs. Shannon Moore & Matt Hardy
God I wish this got more time than it did. It still is awesome while it lasts. Rhyno gets worked over for a Benoit hot tag. Things break down and it rules. Benoit taps out Shannon for the win.
Match rating - **1/2
Backstage, Brock is getting ready for his handicap match. Kurt says he musta really pissed someone off. Brock jokingly asks where Kurt will be during his match tonight but he’s confident in himself because he’s the champion and this is what he does.
3) Eddie Guerrero vs. Ultimo Dragon - United States Championship Title Tournament
Eddie comes out before the match and sarcastically says he sends his well wishes to Tajiri. The crowd is still cheering him even though he clearly turned heel last week. Eddie says he’s focusing on himself now and entering the US Title tournament. This is a fun match with Dragon although it doesn’t go more than 2 or 3 minutes. Eddie steals the win using the tights.
Match rating - **
Cameras catch Billy Gunn & Torrie Wilson kissing backstage. Earl Hebner walks by right after. They’re in mixed tag action next.
Next week: Eddie vs. Billy + Benoit vs. Hardy in the semi-finals of the US Title tournament
4) Billy Gunn & Torrie Wilson vs. Jamie Noble & Nidia
This was a waste. Noble & Nidia wear some of the new clothes they got with the money they inherited and Gunn & Torrie do the ass routine. The faces win.
Match rating - *
After the match, Noble offers Torrie $10,000 to sleep with him. Billy Gunn attacks him for his troubles. Nidia looks on.
5) The Big Show, Shelton Benjamin, & Charlie Haas vs. Brock Lesnar - Handicap Falls Count Anywhere Match
Brock fighting from underneath and then exploding and destroying everyone is awesome. They go to the floor and Brock tries to F5 Benjamin off some steps through the announce table, but Show breaks it up. Show hits a HUGE chokeslam off the aforementioned steps for the pinfall. Awesome spot.
Match rating - **3/4
The Big Show stands tall to close the show.