Wednesday, June 29, 2022

Ruthless Aggression Era Project: WWE Velocity Review - July 19th, 2003

WWE Velocity 
July 19th, 2003
Columbus, Ohio

WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar (since 3/30/03)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas (since 7/7/03)
WWE Cruserweight Champion: Rey Mysterio (since 6/5/03)

Commentators - Josh Matthews & Ernest “The Cat” Miller

1) Brian “Spanky” Kendrick & Funaki vs. Chuck Palumbo & Johnny Stamboli (w/ Nunzio) 

Kendrick and Funaki bump around like crazy for Palumbo & Stamboli. They straight up make them look like monsters. Kendrick gets isolated for a minute then gets a small hope spot and hot tags Funaki. They actually get a nearfall on Palumbo during this. And wait.. they fucking win??? The fuck! Love that, but was not expecting this as I was writing and watching. This was fun. 

Match rating - ** 

2) The Bashams (Doug & Danny Basham) (w/ Shaniqua) vs. Johnny Jeter & Matt Cappatelli 

This is fine. Basic short tag match on C show. Bashams are so painfully FINE almost always. It’s becoming a broken record in my reviews. But it’s truly the best word to describe them. The best part of this is Cat getting turned on by Shaniqua and the Bashams post match. 

Match rating - *1/2 

Backstage, Bradshaw & Ron Simmons walk up on Tough Enough contestants John Hennigan and.. someone I don’t know. “OH HEY ITS THE TOUGH ENOUGH BOYS!” Bradshaw’s accent in this is hilarious. They invite them to the bar room brawl invitational coming up at Vengeance. Goodness gracious. 

3) A-Train vs. Orlando Jordan 

A-Train comes out first and gets near the announce table and FUCKING JOSH MATTHEWS RUNS OFF AND HIDES BEHIND THE BARRICADE LMAO. Cat scolds him for it and tells him he needs to teach him how to fight. This made this worth the time I took to watch and review this otherwise waste of a show. But yeah this match sure does happen and I sure don’t care. 

Match rating - * 

4) Dawn Marie vs. Nidia 

Dawn gets on the mic beforehand and says she bets Jamie Noble is at home fantasizing about Torrie. The resident dork Josh Matthews says.. “so am I.” Nidia charges Dawn and we’ve got some FIRE here. It doesn’t last too long, but this is definitely as atrocious as it could be. Just a basic little match. Nidia wins after like 4-5 minutes.

Match rating - *1/2

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