July 14th, 2003
World Heavyweight Champion: Triple H (since 12/15/02)
Intercontinental Champion: Booker T (since 7/7/03)
World Tag Team Champions: La Resistance (since 6/15/03)
WWE Women's Champion: Gail Kim (since 6/30/03)
Commentators - Jerry “The King” Lawler & Jonathan Coachman
The show begins with Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel. Jericho says he was terrified to come here tonight because of how terrible of a workplace it has been since Kane has been wreaking havoc. Jericho says his guest tonight calmed his nerves because he’s the one man who can get things in order. The returning co general manager.. Eric Bischoff. Bischoff’s goofy ass comes down to the ring in a neck brace. Bischoff says Kane is banned from entering the arena tonight, but we will get to the bottom of this as he’s sent JR to do a one on one sit down interview with Kane in Hartford, CT at WWE Headquarters. Bischoff then shows exclusive footage ON THE JERITRON 5000 of Kane throwing RVD through a wall last week before coming to the ring.
“I was gonna whip a man’s ass…” -Stone Cold
Jericho continues kissing Bischoff’s aaa and OUT COMES STINE COLD STONE COLD STINE COLD. BY FUCKIN GOD. Austin asks Bischoff why he’s sending Kane to Connecticut because he was gonna call him out face to face and whoop his ass. Bischoff asks what that would do besides make Kane hurt more people. Bischoff says this entire thing is Austin’s fault for provoking Kane into being a monster again. Austin goes off on Bischoff, making fun of his neck brace then goes to leave. Jericho taunts him and gets a stunner for his troubles to close the segment.
TONIGHT: Evolution vs. The Dudleys in an Elimination Match, Book/Christian IC Title rematch, & Gail Kim defends the Women’s Title against Molly Holly
1) Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, & Stacy Keibler vs. Test, Steven Richards, & Victoria
Dude.. why? Why is this still fucking happening??? Atleast some new names are involved. Trish and Stacy are the best part of this, oddly enough. This is a little less miserable than most of the Steiner/Test stuff recently. Nash gets the pin on Richards for the win.
Match rating - *1/2
Backstage, Jericho is going off about how Austin legally can’t attack an employee considering Austin is a GM now. He & Bischoff seem to be very happy about coming to this realization. Time for a lawsuit.
2) Lance Storm vs. Maven
Before the match, Lance says he is going to take legal action if people keep calling him boring. MAVEN is here to shut him up. This actually an alright little match. Storm works Maven in a headlock for a bit. Maven starts a comeback and gets some solid offense in before catching Storm in a roll up for the win.
Match rating - **
La Resistance hits the ring. They say Austin had them banned from Raw, but Bischoff has brought them back. They start singing the French national anthem or something. The Dudley Boyz come out with an American flag and run them off and proceed to sing the American national anthem in full. The most corny, stupid dogshit segment of the year. Jesus fuck. Now I want to see Evolution beat their ass. Please.
3) Evolution (Randy Orton, Triple H, & Ric Flair) vs. The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray, D-Von, & Spike Dudley)
This was good in the sense of how it was booked. Orton ends up getting ALL THREE falls. Super strong way to book him and he’s honestly the best part of this whole thing. I mean, all of Evolution were great. The Dudleyz are just ass cheeks. Spike takes a good beating, but everything else is worthless. Bubba is the last to be eliminated, they tease a table spot before Flair distracting the ref allows H to hit a pedigree and Orton to slide in for the three count.
Match rating - **1/4
Rob Van Dam confronts Eric Bischoff about Kane being in Connecticut. Bischoff grants Van Dam’s wish and announces Kane will be in house next week and going one on one with Van Dam himself.
Back from commercial, Chris Jericho is trying to get signatures from Rico, Jackie, Tommy Dreamer and others to get Austin fired for causing all this Kane stuff. Dreamer doesn’t look sold on it, but everyone else is as happy as can be.
4) Rodney Mack vs. Rosey
OH WOW. THE BLOWOFF FROM LAST WEEK. RODNEY hits a low blow for the cheap win. The Hurricane comes out afterwards to make the save. OHHH I SEEE WHERE THEYRE GOING WITH THIS NOW. The Hurricane and Rosey team!
Backstage, Jericho approaches Evolution to sign his ban Steve Austin petition.
5) Booker T (c) vs. Christian - Intercontinental Championship Match
Book’s first title defense after beating Christian for the title last week. These two are great together as always. They run another fake finish where the ref didn’t see Book’s foot on the rope. Stone Cold comes down to restart with a new ref and Booker retains soon after. Good match, but that type of finish is getting a little stale.
Match rating - **1/2
In Hartford, Kane shows up for his interview with JR and hands him a gift in a red box.
6) Gail Kim (c) vs. Molly Holly - Women’s Championship Match
Seeing Gail Kim is so nostalgic man. Molly and Gail have another fun match here. They just have solid chemistry and run through stuff. Gail pops a hurricanrana or two off and one of them gets her the win.
Match rating - **
Back in Hartford, JR opens Kane’ s present and it’s a can of gasoline. Kane says that if JR makes fun of him during this interview.. HE WILL SET HIM ON FIRE. God damn. I remember this segment and I’m sure you do, too.
Back from commercial, JR tries to convince Kane that everyone loves and respects him. Kane isn’t hearing it. He says JR is a liar, just like the people and just like Rob Van Dam and Stone Cold. Kane stands up and starts yelling at JR. Stone Cold comes out in the arena and tells Kane to sit down, because they are just trying to help him. Kane refuses and says the only way they will ever understand him is if they feel the pain he felt. Kane throttles JR and right hands him to the ground. Kane pours the gasoline on him, LIGHTS A MATCH, AND SETS HIM ON FIRE !! ~~~. They put it out after like 30-45 seconds but good god. This segment kinda ruled. Austin looks distressed in the ring as officials check on JR. In the midst of this, Eric Bischoff comes to the ring and reminds Austin that all of this is his fault. Bischoff says that next week, Linda McMahon will be here to fire Austin for all the trouble he has caused. The show ends with Bischoff saying “Damn you, Austin. Damn you straight to hell....."
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