January 2nd, 2003
Albuquerque, New Mexico
WWE Champion - Kurt Angle (since 12/15/02)
WWE Tag Team Champions - Los Guerreros (Eddie & Chavo Guerrero) (since 11/17/02)
WWE Cruserweight Champion - Billy Kidman (since 11/17/02)
Commentators - Michael Cole & Tazz
TONIGHT: Brock Lesnar returns + Dawn Marie & Al Wilson... get married. I hoped we could leave that in 2002 but I guess I’m not so lucky!
1) John Cena (w/ B-2) vs. Rikishi
More pretty fun stuff here. Cena scores the win off a bunch of shenanigans from Buchanan. Rikishi chases Cena through the crowd after the match. Looks like this feud is heating up.
Match rating - **
As Rikishi is chasing Cena through the crowd, wedding music starts playing and here comes Dawn Marie. She’s in her wedding dress and says tonight, she will be getting married... “in the nude” wow..
Just as Dawn Marie got all the horndogs at home all hot & bothered, we return from commercial and Steph let’s Dawn known she CANNOT get married in the nude tonight and if she does she will face repercussions.
2) Bill Demott vs Chuck Palumbo
Palumbo puts up more of a fight being a boss himself and not a Cruserweight like Crash or any of Demott’s other recent opponents. But, he loses. Curious where all these wins for Demott are leading.
Match rating - *3/4
Hype video for the return of the Undertaker at ROYAL RUMBLE LETS GOOOO and it looks like it’ll be the Deadman and not Biker Taker!
Backstage, Billy Kidman cracks jokes with Torrie Wilson about Dawn Marie & Al’s wedding. Go off, Billy.
Meanwhile, Kurt Angle is with Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas for an interview with Josh Matthews. Angle puts the two over heavy and says together they are the three best wrestlers in the history of the sport and puts the emphasis on wrestling. They really debuted Benjamin & Haas so strong and perfect,
3) Eddie Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman
Eddie got a haircut and mannnnn it’s crisp. Starting to look like the Eddie I grew up watching around this time. Awesome opening run through from Eddie & Kidman. Cena and B-2 show up to continue their confrontation from backstage last week. Cena says a bunch of problematic shit toward the Guerrero’s like “Taco Bell is hiring” etc. This breaks down into hell and chaos really quick. Chavo gets involved and then Rikishi comes down too. WHERES TEDDY LONG? I WANT A GOD DAMN TAG TEAM MATCH PLAYA. Too bad it’s Steph as GM and not Teddy. We go to commercial and Rikishi is still being detained and somehow this match is still going on. Everyone got kicked out except John Cena who’s on commentary and Cole bitches about it and the look Cena gives Cole is HILARIOUS.
|“You’re awfully intense, John, you should relax a little bit.”|
Huge super plex by Eddie to Kidman. Eddie misses the frog splash though and POWERBOMB FROM KIDMAN LEGGGGO. 2 count. Lots of good action here. Cena ends up hitting Eddie with the chain and it allows Kidman to hit the shooting star press for the win. Weird booking from a heel/face perspective because it looks like they’re trying to turn Eddie face, but Kidman is caught in the middle. Still awesome stuff here regardless.
Match rating - ***1/4
The Wedding of Dawn Marie & Al Wilson is next. Dawn teases going in the nude but only goes down to bra and panties. She then strips Al down to his underwear and they proceed with vows. This is just... a sight. They complete the wedding without interruption and fall to the mat while kissing. What a couple.
4) Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas (w/ Kurt Angle) vs. Chris Benoit & Edge
Edge was Benoit’s mystery partner. This is the highly anticipated in ring debut of Haas & Benjamin. It’s good while it lasts. Ends in a DQ because Angle interfered off commentary and hit Benoit with his title belt to break up a pin.
Match rating - **1/2
Angle and his team beat up Benoit & Edge. Angle then corners Tony Chimel, the ring announcer and forces him to say that Team Angle won.
Paul Heyman is out next and he brings out The Big Show. They challenge Brock Lesnar to a match at Royal Rumble with only the winner being able to enter the Rumble. They talk a bunch of shit about how Brock can’t beat Show. Out comes BRRRROCK. He runs toward the ring, but Matt Hardy attacks from behind with a steel chair. Shannon Moore is with him which is confusing following last week, but yeahhhh. Brock is bloodied up. Show & Heyman escape as Brock loses his mind. Another awesome Brock moment I swear he always delivers.
Al Wilson and Dawn get in their limo. Al says he can’t wait to get Dawn “hot” and they drive off. Funaki says he feels dirty.
5) Nunzio (w/ Jamie Noble & Nidia) vs. Crash
For some reason, Josh Mathews is doing the ring announcing. 2021 really had to send me back here to this the same week Impact finally removed him from commentating. This isn’t much, but it’s not terrible. Nunzio wins.
Match rating - *1/2
Hardy tells Shannon Moore that what he did to Brock was a lesson, just like last week, his attack on him was a lesson. Okay I’m glad they explained that. Hardy & Shannon head to the ring for what I’m expecting to be a massacre at the hands of Brock.
6) Brock Lesnar vs. Matt Hardy
Brock is still bloody from earlier as he refused medical attention oh my god this already rocks. Brock absolutely dismantles Matt Hardy and it is the fucking best. Blood pouring out of the back of his head and all. Brock fucking Lesnar y’all. Moore interferes and Hardy gets a twist of fate for a near fall only for Brock to come back and F5 Moore and then Hardy for the win.
Match rating - **1/2
Show closes with Brock staring down Big Show & Heyman who appeared at the entrance way. Brock tries to bait Big Show into the ring. Show won’t come, so he stares at Show and F5’s the hell out of Hardy with his eyes on Big Show the whole time.