May 26th, 2003
World Heavyweight Champion: Triple H (since 12/15/02)
Intercontinental Champion: Christian (since 5/18/03)
World Tag Team Champions: Rob Van Dam & Kane (3/31/03)
WWE Women's Champion: Jazz (since 4/27/03)
MEMORIAL DAY MONDAY NIGHT RAAAAAW
They replay last week’s stuff between Triple H and Ric Flair before the opening video package.
PYRO AND SHIT ~~~~ — jk there isn’t any? Instead, Shawn Michaels hits the ring to start the show off. HBK immediately introduces Ric Flair. Flair comes out and Shawn says he’s waited 18 years to tell him this. Shawn says he’s everything great and wonderful about this business. Shawn sings Ric’s praises and explains how he’s the reason he wanted to become a wrestler. Shawn says he wants to face Flair one on one tonight so he can know if he’s really on that same level. Flair says Shawn has already taken wrestling to a new level and he passed the torch to him a long time ago. However, Flair still accepts and wants to tear it down with Shawn tonight. And of course, TRIPLE H comes out and is tired of the mutual admiration bullshit. He goes the fuck off on Ric Flair saying that he’s the one who made him The Nature Boy again and “picked him up off his wrinkled ass” god damn. In the midst of all this, Eric Bischoff shows up. He says he’s here to throw his weight around like Steve Austin did last week. Bischoff says Mobile doesn’t deserve Flair vs. Shawn, but he will give them Flair & Shawn vs. Triple H in a handicap match. Flair & Shawn shake hands while H is livid.
TONIGHT: Goldberg on the Highlight Reel plus Stone Cold’s Memorial Day celebration!
Back from commercial, JR & King invite us to head onto WWE.com and vote in a poll. The poll is “will Goldberg spear Jericho on the Highlight Reel?” LMAO. So dumb, but so nostalgic. Fuck I miss WWE.com bro.
1) Booker T vs. Test (w/ Stacy Keibler)
“Tonight is night. Tell your friends, tell your neighbor, set your VCR.” -Jim Ross
Dude, Test sucked in this. Booker tries and it’s fine, but Test.. anyway. Booker accidentally kicks Stacy so Steiner comes down to help her which distracts Test so Booker wins. Same shit that’s been happening for months.. smh.
Match rating - *1/4
Backstage, Triple H tries to bribe Stone Cold into canceling the handicap match later. Austin sees through it and shuts every attempt down with a stone face. Even when H starts yelling at him. Austin also has a cut on his face from where he “slipped on a bar of soap while singing in the shower” lmao.
TRISH is here for commentary. Jerry is horny and weird. Jerry says “did you know you were on the cover of this FLARE magazine?” and .. Victoria is in the ring and lord have mercy.
2) Steven Richards (w/ Victoria) vs. Val Venis
Goodness god damn gracious. What a contest we have here. HELLO LADIES. Mr. Venis is back. Before the match, Venis says he’s starting a film company and he wants to offer Victoria a position as a “TRIPLE X PLATINUM CHICK” and has her first film in mind “VICTORIA’s DIRTY LITTLE SECRET” .. alrighty. Stevie charges Val and the bell rings. Jerry asks if Trish would be in one of Val’s movies and Trish says if they change the title to “Victoria gets her ass kicked by Trish Stratus” LMAO. This gets way bad. Jerry has a laptop on the commentary table and asks if Trish wants to… touch… his mouse. Fuck off, King. As for the match, it’s just fine. Venis wins with DA MONEY SHOT.
Match rating - **
LATER: Michaels & Flair vs. Triple H
Backstage, Kevin Nash is excited to watch H get his ass kicked tonight before he takes his title at Bad Blood.
Back from commercial, Christian is interviewed by Terri. Goldust walks up and Christian says people like him & Booker aren’t championship material. Book comes up and lays into Christian and that the C on his tights stands for chump, lmao.
Meanwhile, Bischoff & Austin argue about who will be labeled as presenting the upcoming Bad Blood PPV. Bischoff says he’s tired of fighting and just wants to work together. BUT he’s down to compete against each other beneficially. They agree to some sort of competition at Bad Blood, but Austin says he has to get to the ring for his Memorial Day celebration.
Lillian Garcia begins singing America the Beautiful. Rene Dupree & Sylvan Grenier interrupt. Typical anti America vs pro America shit. Stone Cold interrupts them and kicks their ass. Austin gives a speech on Memorial Day and whatever. Him and Lillian start singing America the Beautiful together and I fast forwarded.
3) Christian vs. Goldust
King ruins this by talking about how Booker T “went to prison” and god damn this show sucks ass. More racist shit. It’s funny to me that they let King say this shit and it’s supposed to be humorous, but Dupree & Grenier are the villains for what they did earlier. Ahhhh, 2003 WWF. Christian and Goldust rock so I hate that this is all I took away from this. Match was pretty basic, though, but good. They run through stuff and Goldust wins in an upset.
Match rating - **1/4
4) Rodney Mack (w/ Theodore Long) vs. Bubba Ray Dudley
This is the White Boy Challenge. Mack wins, thankfully. Match is below average. I’m so over half the shit on this show tonight.
Match rating - *
Backstage, Eric Bischoff gives La Resistance a match since they are frustrated. Dupree vs. RVD in a flag match and if he wins, they get a tag title shot at Bad Blood.
Meanwhile, Ric Flair is getting ready. Triple H walks in and tries to get in his head but Flair fires up at him and starts yelling. Oh hell yeah. I love when he gets like this. H says he’s gonna give Flair something to cry about as Flair struts off.
5) Rob Van Dam vs. Sylvan Grenier - Flag Match
This is bad. Van Dam grabs the flag, but the ref is down so the match keeps going. Dupree runs in so Kane runs in. It’s a mess and no one cares. They take out Kane then double team Van Dam. Dupree places Van Dam’s flag back on the pole allowing Grenier to grab the France flag to get the victory as the ref comes to.
Match rating - *1/2
Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel is next. Jericho comes out and announces his guest for next week, The Rock, before bringing out his guest this week, Goldberg. He sprays Goldberg with some mace when things turn physical and hits him with a damn spear. Jericho flees the arena during the break as Terri tries to catch him for an interview. Jericho faces Goldberg one on one at Bad Blood.
6) Shawn Michaels & Ric Flair vs. Triple H - Handicap Match
This doesn’t last long before the screw job unfolds. Flair turns on HBK by sucker punching him. Meanwhile, in the back, a masked man has laid out Kevin Nash. The masked man comes to the ring and joins H & Flair in attacking Shawn. The masked man is revealed as RANDY ORTON. He’s returned after a month or so off TV. Orton, Flair, & H assault Shawn Michaels to close the show as JR screams “STOP IT! STOP IT!”
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