Tuesday, July 19, 2022

Ruthless Aggression Era Project: WWE Smackdown Review - July 31st, 2003

WWE Smackdown 
July 31st, 2003
Colorado Springs, Colorado 

WWE Champion: Kurt Angle (since 7/27/03)
WWE United States Champion: Eddie Guerrero (since 7/27/03)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas (since 7/7/03)
WWE Cruserweight Champion: Rey Mysterio (since 6/5/03)

Replays of Kurt Angle winning the WWE Title at Vengeance air before the opening video package. 

TONIGHT: Eddie Guerrero defends the US Title against Tajiri and Torrie Wilson & Jamie Noble have a “sleep over”

The new WWE Champion’s music hits to start the show. Angle comes to the ring and gets a mic. He’s grateful to be here and be able to say that he’s champion again after his injury that made him think he may never get to do that. Brock Lesnar interrupts and challenges Kurt to a rematch. Kurt accepts, but Vince McMahon comes out to ruin the party. He tries to stir the pot and say that Kurt came to him earlier and told him not to book a rematch between them. Kurt denies it, but Vince still says no to Brock’s rematch request and instead makes a tag match for tonight to test their friendship. Brock & Angle versus two opponents of Vince’s choosing. 

Amazing SummerSlam commercial airs of Brock being a lifeguard and F5’ing a shark. Wow. 

1) Rey Mysterio (w/ Billy Kidman) vs. Shelton Benjamin (w/ Charlie Haas) 

This doesn’t go long, but it’s a blast while it lasts. Mysterio gets the best of Shelton with his speed whilst Benjamin tries to just throw him around. Mysterio hits him with the 619 and goes for the west coast pop, but Haas grabs his legs. Kidman makes the save. There’s some struggle, but a victory roll allows Mysterio to get the pin. 

Match rating - **1/2

Meanwhile, we see replays of Jamie Noble beating Billy Gunn at Vengeance before cameras pan to his hotel room where Torrie Wilson arrives. Noble overwhelms her by showing her all of his sex toys. A paddle and all kinds of shit. Noble is in his boxers and a cowboy hat. Torrie says she feels like she’s gonna throw up and runs to the bathroom as we go to commercial.

Chris Benoit comes out to the ring to face Rhyno. Instead, he gets Rhyno on the tron who says he has a warm up opponent for Benoit..

2) Chris Benoit vs. Doink the Clown 

Yup. You heard me right. Benoit beats up Doink for a minute or two and it rules. 

Match rating - *1/2

After the match, Benoit gets on the mic and says “looks like it’s about that time, get your ass out here and take it like a man!” Rhyno comes back on the tron and says he’s not coming out there, he’s leaving. 

Back at the hotel, Noble is trying to coax Torrie to get into the bed with him. Someone knocks at the door, Noble answers and ITS NIDIA. She’s in a robe and takes it off to reveal lingerie. She says tonight isn’t about Torrie, it’s about them. She throws Noble on the bed and they start fucking around while Torrie looks on disgusted. 

Backstage, Kurt Angle admits to Brock Lesnar that he did talk to Vince earlier, but it wasn’t about not wanting to do another match with him. Despite this, Angle has an idea about how they might can get Vince to give them the rematch. 

Eddie Guerrero comes out in the lowrider for his title defense against Tajiri. His hydrolics aren’t working so he looks in the trunk to investigate and Tajiri pops out and mists him. Eddie tries to use this as an excuse to not compete, but MIKE CHIODA says he will forfeit the title if he doesn’t. 

3) Eddie Guerrero (c) vs. Tajiri - United States Championship Match

This is wrapping up a story that began before Vengeance when Eddie turned on Tajiri and slammed him on the windshield of his lowrider. The raised stakes with the US Title being on the line on top of the grudge makes this even better. Just great stuff from both guys here. Tajiri accidentally mists the ref which allows Eddie to pull some shenanigans with the title belt and hit the frog splash for the W. 

Match rating - ***1/4

Back from commercial, Cole & Tazz give Zach Gowen his props for his match against Vince and it’s followed up by a video package on his story. 

4) Shannon Moore (w/ Matt Hardy) vs. Zach Gowen 

This is fine for what it is. Shannon throws Zach around and Zach gets a bunch of his signature hope spots in. Hardy gets involved and costs Gowen the match. Moore wins with a roll up. 

Match rating - *3/4

5) John Cena vs. Orlando Jordan 

Oddly enough, this is nostalgic for me. Cena was feuding with Orlando when I began watching Smackdown weekly as a kid in 2004 so seeing this meeting here like a year prior is cool. This is another story stemming off shit before Vengeance that also sort of ties into Vengenace. Taker told Orlando to stand up to John Cena in a backstage segment a few weeks back. Before this match, Cena came out and trashed them both so Orlando came down and charged the doctor of thuganomics. Just simple, good shit as far as booking goes. Jordan gets a right hand in, but Cena largely dominates this and hits the FU for the win. 

Match rating - *3/4

Back at the hotel again, Noble and Nidia are fresh out of the shower after fucking while Torrie drinks wine from a bottle. Billy Gunn knocks on the door and chases Noble into the room then hugs Torrie. They watch Noble & Nidia fuck again off screen and make disgusted facial expressions. 

Back from commercial, Vincent K McMahon is approached by Brock Lesnar. Lesnar challenges Vince to a match again like he did a few weeks ago and says if he wins, he gets his rematch with Kurt Angle. Vince says he will take the stipulation under consideration, but he’s down for the match. Vince then says to watch his back with Angle as his partner tonight, once again, trying to cause a rift. 

Back to the hotel again and… Noble, Nidia, Torrie, and Billy are ALL in bed together. Jesus Christ. 

Back to the arena, here comes Sable. Tazz just about explodes. There’s a sign that reads.. 


And Tazz says the line.. 

“Just let her walk around a little bit… strut around.. yeah.” WOW. 

Sable says all Steph proved at Vengeance was that she is a “little p*ssycat” and shows replays of the match from Sunday where Steph got plowed over by A-Train. This leads to Sable introducing the team Vince picked to face Brock Lesnar & Kurt Angle tonight.. A-Train & The Big Show.

6) Brock Lesnar & Kurt Angle vs. The Big Show & A-Train (w/ Sable)

This is a good little match. They isolate Kurt after an early flurry. Brock gets the hot tag and cleans house. He F5’s Big Show and Angle tags himself in and steals the pin. Brock gets pissed after the match and F5’s Kurt. 

Match rating - **1/2

After the match, Brock stands over Kurt and Mr. McMahon comes out. He adds a stip to he and Brock’s match next week.. it’s a Steel Cage Match and the special referee… Brock’s “good friend” Kurt Angle. 

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