September 21st, 2003
World Heavyweight Champion: Triple H (since 12/15/02)
Intercontinental Champion: Christian (since 8/10/03)
World Tag Team Champions: La Resistance (since 6/15/03)
WWE Women's Champion: Molly Holly (since 7/28/03)
Commentators - Jim Ross & Jerry “The King” Lawler
Video package hyping H/Goldberg airs. They make sure to show Bret Hart when H says a line about watching Goldberg in WCW beating a “bunch of nobodies.”
1) La Resistance (Rene Dupree, Rob Conway, & Sylvan Grenier) (c) vs. The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray & D-Von Dudley) - Tables Match for the World Tag Team Titles
To win this, you have to put every member of the opposing team through a table. This was a decent little opener and went probably about how you’d expect. D-Von goes through a table a few minutes in and Bubba fights from underneath. Somewhere in here, Bubba throws some randomly sick overhand chops while fighting up. D-Von recovers and he & Bubba put every member of La Resistance through tables to become the new World Tag Team Champions.
Match rating - **1/4
Video package highlighting the Test/Stacy/Steiner saga. This feud has sucked but the video pack with “Suffocate” by Cold as the soundtrack was HARD and nostalgic af.
2) Test vs. Scott Steiner - Winner gets Stacy Keibler
“When you go to Hooters, do you get takeout?” -Jerry Lawler
I ignored the first portion of this, and I looked up and Test has Steiner in a rest hold. I don’t know why that’s funny to me. Then Stacy yells “cmon Scott” and that’s even more funny to me. Maybe I’m an idiot. Anyways Stacy tries to distract Test and ends up hitting Scott with a chair by accident which leads to Test pinning Steiner and per the stipulation that I forgot about.. Test now has Steiner’s services AND Stacy’s. What does that mean? I have no fucking idea but I want this shit to be over with.
Match rating - 1/2*
Trish Stratus’s 100% Stratusfaction available THIS TUESDAY at FYE ~~|
3) Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton (w/ Ric Flair)
This is Orton’s first big PPV match. He dropped Moolah with an RKO in her hometown a few weeks prior and has been calling himself the legend killer ever since. He’s told HBK that he’s gonna use him as a stepping stone, HBK has said he better step hard and put a slinging slap in Orton’s face as a warning. Here we go! They start slow and it’s honestly a blast but I love slow starts. There’s definitely signs of Orton being green here, but there’s also moments where you see what he’s going to become. The crowd wasn’t too into the early portions, but once things get going they come alive. It just felt like this was missing something even when it picked up, though. Shawn goes for sweet chin music and Orton reverses into an RKO in a sick spot. Flair is losing his mind at ringside when Shawn kicks out of it which makes up for how annoyed I was that they had Shawn kick out of it. Flair is just so god damn good in every role he’s in, sucks he’s a piece of shit. Shawn fights back and hits an awesome superkick that destroys Orton. This gets him the three count but Flair discreetly puts Orton’s foot on the rope and the ref thinks he missed something so they restart the match. Orton gets slipped some brass knuckles and that’s all she wrote, lmao. I think I loved that finish as fucked as it was. And yeah, after seeing the replays and how they pulled it off, I loved that finish.. it is confirmed. Orton’s career and run as a scumbag begins.
Match rating - **3/4
Backstage, La Resistance & Rene Dupree are in the training room recovering. Chris Jericho walks in and says someone has to stop the bullshit Stone Cold has been causing and it’s gonna be him.
4) Molly Holly & Gail Kim vs. Trish Stratus & Lita
This happens and is fine, but largely just routine stuff and doesn’t go long enough to amount to anything. Lita gets the hot tag and gets the pin on Molly. To be completely honest, I forgot to write anything about this initially. Oops.
Match rating - *3/4
5) Shane McMahon vs. Kane
This is honestly one of the worst Shane matches. It’s just a stunt fest as usual, but the pacing sucks and I largely didn’t give a fuck even after weeks of watching Kane set people on fire and electrocute Shane by the balls. They certainly do some crazy shit though, I guess. Shane misses a dive off the set, eats shit and loses to shirtless Kane.
Match rating - *3/4
6) Christian (c) vs. Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam - Intercontinental Championship Match
They sure tried here. I don’t know what it was, but something was missing. Maybe it’s because the crowd was dead as all of fuck until they did the electric chair powerbomb spot. I dunno. Christian gets his mouth busted open, but manages to still sneak the victory out to retain the title with a roll up on Van Dam. There was still some good stuff in here, though so much so that it’s probably one of the better things on this show.
Match rating - **1/2
Backstage, Triple H gets interviewed and says he doesn’t believe in fairytales and tonight he’s going to end Goldberg’s story book career. ITS TIME TO PLAY THE GAME. Whatever. I don’t give a fuck about either one of y’all.
7) Jonathan Coachman & Al Snow vs. Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler
The video package for this plays and god damn this show just keeps getting worse. Why do I do this to myself? There’s no commentary on this and it’s just not a good time at all. Jericho runs down and helps Coach pin JR. Wonderful television, bud.
Match rating - fuck the hell off
JR has his head in his hands laying in the ring after the match. Guess tomorrow on Raw is gonna be extra miserable with Coach & Snow on commentary god fucking help me.
Goldberg/H video package airs and they cut to JR & King at the table talking about their loss. JR sells the fuck out of this next match being the last one they ever call and god damn if I didn’t BELIEVE for a minute. JR says LETS MAKE THIS THE BEST SON OF A BITCH WE EVER CALLED. LETS MOTHERFUCKING GO.
8) Triple H (c) vs. Goldberg - World Heavyweight Title Match
“Folks, this is nut cutting time.” -Jim Ross
If Goldberg loses, he’s gone forever from the fed. That pretty much told you where this match was headed. It’s much better than their first match, but still not great.. just scraping the surface of good.. more on the level of “fine” and “not too offensive”.. H breaks the blade out and bleeds for the berg. Goldberg survives a sledgehammer shot and all and jackhammers H to pin him and win the title. Goldberg manages to not fully shit the bed in a match longer than 5 minutes so I’d say that’s a massive W. The commentary made this feel big, too. So yeah. Fine main event on an otherwise terrible show. Goldberg celebrates with the title to close the show.
Match rating - **1/2
“THE GOLDBERG ERA HAS BEGUN..” -Jim Ross