Tuesday, January 11, 2022

Ruthless Aggression Era Project: WWE Monday Night Raw Review - May 5th, 2003

May 5th, 2003
Halifax, Nova Scotia 

World Heavyweight Champion: Triple H (since 12/15/02)
World Tag Team Champions: Rob Van Dam & Kane (3/31/03)
WWE Women's Champion: Jazz (since 4/27/03)
Commentators: Jerry Lawler & Jonathan Coachman 

RIP Miss Elizabeth 

Show begins with a replay of last week where Linda McMahon brought in Stone Cold Steve Austin as Eric Bischoff’s co general manager. 

And aptly so, Stone Cold kicks off the show. He immediately says he’s gonna make some changes to Raw with the first being that he’s bringing back the IC Title and there will be a Battle Royal at Judgement Day to determine the champion. Eric Bischoff comes out and says that these decisions have to be approved through because they are CO GM’s. Bischoff says luckily he likes the idea so it’s fine. Bischoff has an idea of his own.. the main event of Judgement Day will be Triple H vs. Kevin Nash. Austin likes the idea. It seems like they are gonna get along until Austin makes another announcement.. he’s bringing back Jim Ross. JR comes out and Bischoff immediately shuts it down because he doesn’t approve so Austin proposes a match to determine if JR stays or goes. Austin wants Bischoff one on one but Bischoff says per Linda McMahon they can’t lay hands on one another. Soooo Chief Morley volunteers to fight for Bischoff and Jerry Lawler steps up to fight for JR and god damn if I don’t hate Lawler but this warmed my heart!!!

1) Jerry Lawler (w/ Jim Ross & Stone Cold) vs. Chief Sean Morley (w/ Eric Bischoff) 

Oh yeah baby. Some nice little fire behind this because everyone wants JR back. It’s short, sweet, and I honestly enjoyed it. Lawler wins despite a Bischoff interference attempt and JR is re-hired!!

Match rating - **

After the match, Stone Cold calls Coach from the commentary booth to the ring. He stuns him and says there can only be two commentators LOL. 

Backstage, Bischoff chews out Morley for losing and FIRES HIM. Stone Cold walks up and pretends to care only to tell Morley he’s fired also. 

Meanwhile, Stacy Keibler is hyping up Test & Scott Steiner for their tag title match and trying to get them on the same page. 

2) Rob Van Dam & Kane (c) vs. Test & Scott Steiner (w/ Stacy Keibler)

Whoa ! A semi good match that came out of the Test/Steiner feud?!? Never thought I’d see it but yeah. This kinda rocked. Everyone just kinda hit shit and stuff really broke down near the end. They made the most out of 6 minutes which you can’t say for these matches around this time sometimes. RVD & Kane retain. 

Match rating - **1/2

Later tonight: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz for the Women’s Title

Backstage, Stone Cold is hanging a picture of himself in he & Bischoff’s as they haul his beer in. Bischoff says it’s too much beer and there isn’t room in the budget for all that beer. LMAO. Austin bought a desk and Bischoff says there isn’t room for that either so Austin flips the couch on its side. Austin also tells Bischoff he isn’t invited to his Beer Bash later. 

Kevin Nash is headed into the arena. He’s Chris Jericho’s guest on the highlight reel which is.. next?

Yup. After they plug Goldberg v Christian for later. BREAK THE WALLS DOWN HITS and Jericho is here. The Highlight Reel for the second week in a row. Jericho brings out Kevin Nash who is immediately furious so Jericho brings out the man he’s furious with.. Triple H. Well well this was insanity. H and Nash have like a 10 minute brawl from the ringside area through backstage, to the parking lot and into the street where a bloody H stumbles into traffic and car jacks someone’s car to get away from Nash. LMAO. Just goofy shit, but hilarious. 

They cut to commercial and come back to bodies laying in the street. Chris Jericho is standing on the sidewalk admiring the carnage he created when Stone Cold Steve Austin walks up and says.. 


Austin asks Jericho if he’s proud of himself and says since he considers himself a main event player, next week, he’ll get a main event match.. against Kevin Nash. 

3) Booker T vs. Lance Storm 

Storm gets a great reaction from the Canadian crowd. That’s a change of pace. They like Book, too because it’s 2003 and everyone likes Book, but Storm is the hometown boy big time. Storm locks Booker in the sharpshooter early to a huge pop. Shout out Bret Hart. This doesn’t go long but it is fun while it lasts cause the crowd is with it. Booker wins with the scissors kick. 

Match rating - **

Backstage, La Resistance try to talk Stacy Keibler into being their manager while also hitting on her at the same time. They say she should watch their match tonight and see what she thinks about linking up with some young French stallions. Lord have mercy. 

4) Spike Dudley & Tommy Dreamer vs. La Resistance (Rene Dupree & Sylvan Grenier) 

“Take your hat off there, son.” -Jim Ross  

Another worthless, bad squash for La Resistance. Like, literally nothing of note here at all. They win and start beating Spike & Dreamer with a kendo stick. Scott Steiner runs down for the save as JR yells “..AND HE DONT NEED NO STICK TO BEAT SOMEBODY UP!”

Match rating - 1/2* 

Eric Bischoff is on the phone with Linda McMahon saying he can’t work with Austin. She asks if he wants to resign and he says no. He says he’s trying his best and even gave Trish the rematch she wanted. Eric says if she wants this to keep going, he will just have to raise the bar higher than Austin next week, then he circles back to trying to hit on her again.. jesus.

Christian is bouncing around in his locker room getting warmed up. Terri walks up for an interview. Christian says he’s been anointed by The Rock as the new people’s champion. Terri says Christian is facing the man on the cover of the new Raw magazine.. Goldberg. Nice plug lmao. It’s Goldberg’s first Raw match ever and Christian says he will beat him and avenge The Rock’s loss at Backlash. 

5) Jazz (c) (w/ Theodore Long & Rodney Mack) vs. Trish Stratus - Women's Title Match 

“Long is as clumsy as a cow on ice.” -Jim Ross

Big hometown rematch for Trish. These two work well together so the work is fine. There’s a lot of interference attempts. First from Teddy long then from Victoria. While the ref is dealing with all that, Rodney Mack hands Jazz the belt and she decks Trish with it and gets the pin. Man this coulda been such a fun match with Trish being at home in Canada. Not saying pull a title switch, but GIVE EM SOME DAMN TIME FUCK. 

Match rating - *

6) Goldberg vs. Christian

Well before this can happen. 3 Minute Warning comes out and Rico announces Goldberg has to face them first. They hit the ring and Goldberg destroys them pretty fast. Off the pin, Christian nails Goldberg with a chair then retreats through the crowd. Goldberg recovers and yells for Christian. Someone blows off an air horn in the crowd at perfect time for Stone Cold’s theme to hit. I guess it’s beer bash time. 

He gets on the mic and he & Goldberg come face to face. Austin asks if he has a problem with him coming out here to drink some beer. Goldberg says he does. Austin makes Christian vs. Goldberg in a Steel Cage Match next week in Philly to appease Goldberg. Goldberg says ..

“That dog’ll hunt, buddy.” 

When the fuck did Goldberg turn into Jim Ross???? Austin breaks the beer out and has his bash to close the show. Goldberg joins him and smashes some cold ones together. Austin has some ladies bring more beer out and JR calls them “beer babes” and just as he says that even more people come out. Show ends as one big ass party. STONE COLD. STONE COLD. 

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