Monday, January 31, 2022

Ruthless Aggression Era Project: WWE Smackdown Review - May 15th, 2003

WWE Smackdown
May 15th, 2003
Baltimore, Maryland 

WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar (since 3/30/03)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas (since 2/6/03)
WWE Cruserweight Champion: Matt Hardy (since 2/23/03)

Commentators: Michael Cole & Tazz

Vince McMahon opens the show. He isn’t gonna lay hands on Hogan tonight, but someone else will because there’s an open contract to castrate him at Judgement Day and beat him down into a pool of his own feces. Well well Vince. This leads to the FBI coming out. Nunzio shows a highlight video of their best work, including locking Brock in that room last week with the forklift. Stamboli says they will be on Hogan like baked on ziti if Vince allows them to take the open contract. Vince is confused, but seemed impressed by the video and offers to go to his office and discuss things with them. 

1) Rikishi vs. Chuck Palumbo (w/ Johnny Stamboli) 

Rikishi comes out as Nunzio & Vince are walking to the back. Palumbo charges Rikishi as soon as he enters the ring and this turns out to be super not good. Palumbo does some cool stuff here or there. Rikishi is average as always in recent times. Stamboli interferes and the ref doesn’t DQ him and it leads to Rikishi eating the pin from Palumbo off a super kick. 

Match rating - *1/2

POST MATCH WE GOT BROCK LESNAR BAH GAWD. HE CHARGES TJE RING to a huge pop and lays Palumbo with a motherfucking F5 from hell. So hype. 

Brock walks to the back and it seems like Steph is gonna yell at him for what he did and she does but.. she says she loves what he just did. Steph stresses the importance of the stretcher match on Sunday and tells him to bring that same aggression Sunday. God damn she riled up. 

Torrie Wilson comes out and gives the crowd a sneak peek at her bikini for Judgment Day. She says she might wear something a little more revealing on Sunday, though. 

Earlier today, Rey Mysterio arrives and touches the hands of fan. Hell yeah he back. 

2) Matt Hardy (c) vs. Tajiri - WWE Cruserweight Title Match 

Man this was a blast, I can only wish it got a little more time. The opening exchanges ruled. They go back & forth and Crash hops on the apron so Tajiri kicks him in the head with the Mattitude book or whatever. This allows Hardy to hit the Twist of Fate around five minutes for the victory. 

Match rating - **1/2

Post match, Hardy & Shannon Moore cut a promo BUT TAJIRI COMES FLYING OFF THE TOP TURNBUCKLE ONTO THEM! Awesome spot. 

Backstage, Eddie Guerrero is talking the portrait of Kurt Angle they stole from Benjamin & Haas last week. Eddie mentions the elephant in the room that Chavo is injured and tells the picture of Kurt he needs his help tonight to beat his boys. Eddie says the picture will be at ringside with him tonight and puts a fake mustache on Kurt’s face lol. 

3) John Cena vs. Chris Benoit 

Cena is out first and cuts a rap on why Vince should pick him to face Mr. America. He turns his attention his opponent tonight Chris Benoit and says he’s gonna CUT OFF HIS D**K. WORD LIFE. This is solid as usual. There’s a lot of FBI shenanigans. Benoit controls until they show up then Cena uses that as an opportunity to take the advantage. They work some more then a DQ gets called. Before this, there’s some awesome shit like a counter of the FU into a cross face. I need more matches between these two, lowkey. 

Match rating - **1/2

After the DQ, all hell breaks loose. Rhyno runs down to spear Stamboli. Nunzio hits a sick chair shot on Rhyno’s knee. Brian “Spanky” Kendrick runs down next, Cena grabs him for a powerbomb — SPANKY COUNTERS WITH A HURRICANRANA FUCK YEAHHHH. This ruled. Benoit, Kendrick, & Rhyno stand tall as Cena and the FBI retreat up the ramp. 

Piper’s Pit with Mr. America happens AGAIN. Piper says Hogan has never ever beat him. Hogan says Piper has never beat Mr America blah blah. Piper sends Sean O’Haire after a fan who’s waving an American flag. This causes a stir between Hogan/Mr America and Piper. Piper & O’Haire double team Hogan. The fan who we all know as Zach Gowen comes in to try to make the save, but he’s taken out and PIPER PULLS HIS DAMN PROSTHETIC LEG OFF. Jesus Christ. Everyone is shocked. O’Haire leaves the ring and even Piper does as well as he looks shocked and ashamed. “Asshole” chants break out as he leaves. 

Back from commercial, they replay what happened then cameras cut to backstage where Mr. McMahon asks Piper & O’Haire what the fuck just happened. He says that was bad publicity and this could effect their careers. He tells them to stand there and wait while he thinks about what he’s gonna do. 


4) Eddie Guerrero vs. Shelton Benjamin 

Shelton made his entrance before the backstage segment so once it cuts this is already happening. Great shit from these guys PER USUAL. Lots of grappling and throws. It’s fun while it lasts. Charlie Haas brings down a ladder and it distracts Eddie and allows Benjamin to get the win.

Match rating - **1/2 

Vince re-approaches Piper and O’Haire. He says he knows O’Haire has sympathy for what happened, but not Piper and that’s why… HES GONNA FACE MR AMERICA ON SUNDAY AT JUDGEMENT DAY. Goodness.. 

Tale of the Tape for Sable & Torrie’s Bikini “Challenge” on Sunday with hip and bust measurements lol. Oh, 2003.. 

Sable comes out next and shows off her bikini in response to how Torrie did earlier. Taz screams “DING DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER. I GOTTA FLOSS MY TEETH.” 

Tazz & Cole run down the Judgement Day card. They even have a pre-tape from JR & King running down the Raw side of things. 

The show closes with the sit down interview with the returning Rey Mysterio. They ask him about getting back into the ring and if he would ever wrestle Big Show again. Mysterio says he’s not sure if he can answer that right now. Before he can even finish, Big Show grabs him by the throat. They fight out to the ring where Show brings his stretcher out BUT HERE COMES BROCK. BROCK. BROCK BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF SHOW WITH THE STRETCHER. They do a good job selling the stretcher main event for Sunday. Lesnar F5’s Show and it rules. Great way to close the show. Lesnar looks like a hoss and I’m READY FOR A FIGHT ON SUNDY !! Wait.. things ain’t over. Show rises to his feet as Brock is leaving and the commentators sell the fact that Brock is gonna have to keep Show down long enough to wheel him up the ramp on the stretcher. Mysterio gets a cheap shot on Show and then poses with Brock. Show is mad again and Taz repeats the words “I’m telling you, there’s no way the Big Show can lose.” 

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