April 28th, 2003
World Heavyweight Champion: Triple H (since 12/15/02)
World Tag Team Champions: Rob Van Dam & Kane (3/31/03)
WWE Women's Champion: Jazz (since 4/27/03)
Commentators: Jerry Lawler & Jonathan Coachman
Chris Jericho kicks off the show. He’s starting to grow a little goatee out. Uh oh. Highlight reel starting the show it seems and he talks a bunch of shit about Roddy Piper and basically how seeing his ugly ass made him realize there need to be a Highlight Reel tonight… wait this is the debut episode of it!!! Didn’t even realize this! Ok hell yeah! The graphic and music for it sucks, but Jericho says he has a huge guest tonight to kick off this show.. an old friend from WCW.. GOLDBERG. Jericho says Goldberg would never wrestle him in WCW. Goldberg says since this is a new beginning, he’d love to kick his ass. Well.. this escalated quickly. Jericho starts antagonizing Goldberg about his personal life and why he came to WWE. Goldberg is about to tell him and here comes CHRIIISTIAN. Christian adds onto Jericho’s antagonizing by asking how it felt to Goldberg when he got booed when he showed up to WWE. Goldberg says he’s gonna spear Christian. Jericho says no one is gonna get speared tonight on the Highlight Reel. Christian brings out Steven Richards, Victoria, Rosey, Jamal and some others and says he isn’t the only one who doesn’t want Goldberg here in WWE, they don’t either. Goldberg says it’s simple, if they have a problem, come down to the ring. Stevie Richards of all people leads the charge and everyone leaves him when they get to the ring so yeahhh, Richards gets speared to hell. Goldberg’s music plays as the rest of the heels retreat.
1) The Hurricane vs. Chief Morley
Man.. this was a blast! Fully expected a bunch of bullshit or a subpar 3-4 minute match, but instead we get quite the little banger here. Morley and Hurricane taunt each other with their respective taunts early. Things break down and Hurricane goes for a shining wizard (that Coach calls!!!) only for Morley to counter with a BLUE THUNDER BOMB for a two count. Crowd really pops into things around this point, just in time for the Overcast to earn Hurricane the victory. Hell yeah!
Match rating - **3/4
Backstage, Triple H tells Ric Flair he wants gold around his waist too, so he got them a tag team title match against RVD & Kane tonight! Flair starts strutting and woo’ing and so did I. That should rock. SHOULD.
2) Rodney Mack (w/ Theodore Long) vs. White Boy
Rodney beats this week’s white boy in one minute and 58 seconds. Theodore Long lays into Jerry Lawler on commentary. Yeah, so, this was good.
Match rating - *1/4
Theodore hits the stage after Rodney’s victory and brings out the NEW WOMENS CHAMPION.. JAZZ LETS FUCKIN GO BABY. Balloons rain down from the ceiling.
Back from commercial, Trish Stratus walks into Eric Bischoff’s office and asks for a rematch against Jazz because she was screwed last night. Eric says there are no rematch clauses, but Trish insists. Eric being the second ranked most horny 2003 perverted old white man, asked for a match against her, if she wins, she gets her shot, if she loses, Trish comes to.. his.. hotel. Gross shit. Fuck this.
Backstage, Stacy is going on about what’s going on between Test & Torrie. Test is questioning why Stacy has eyes for Scott Steiner. If you listen to the Up & Over Podcast, you know how I hate this shit so yeah. Fuck right off. Stacy thinks Test & Steiner could be tag champs.. of course. So, they have a tag match together tonight.
H AND FLAIR ARE HEADED TO THE RING LETS FUCKIN ROCK BABY. GODS.
RVD and Kane are walking too.. lol.
3) Rob Van Dam & Kane (c) vs. Triple H & Ric Flair - World Tag Team Title Match
Earlier I said this SHOULD rock. Well, it did. H & Flair cut the ring off and work classic heel tag style. Van Dam does well as the face in peril. Kane finally gets the hot tag and shit breaks down. Flair & H chop Kane down after a flurry of moves. Flair has Kane in the figure four, but RVD breaks it up with a rolling thunder. Awesome spot. A little bit later, Kevin Nash shows up and staggers to the ring with a sledgehammer, still pissed from last night. He chases H through the crowd and to the back, leaving Flair to eat the pin off a chokeslam/frog splash combo. RVD & Kane retain.
Match rating - **3/4
After the match, H jumps in a limo. Kevin Nash catches up just in time to smash the windows in it with the sledge hammer as they pull off. LMAO.
4) Test & Scott Steiner (w/ Stacy Keibler) vs. Chris Nowinski & Rico
More bullshit here as always with this story. More tension between Test & Stacy and also Steiner. Nowinski & Rico are the sneaky bastards. They still lose though despite the miscommunications from Test & Steiner. After the match, La Resistance makes their debut to confront Scott Steiner for his comments about France a number of weeks ago. They lay him out and yeah.
Match rating - *1/2
Backstage, Eric tells Morley he’s got his hotel ready for later after he wins and gets to take Trish back there with him .. gross. Meanwhile, Trish is shown stretching and getting ready.
Goldberg is walking and runs into Booker T warming up. Book says he can relate to where he’s at because he was the new WCW kid on the block here not long ago, but now all the fans know exactly who he is without a doubt. He says Christian, Jamal & Rosey are punk ass bitches. Book welcomes Goldberg to WWE and they shake hands and shit. Looks like Goldberg has found some sort of ally possibly?
5) Booker T vs. Christian
Christian’s theme and walk to the ring still fucking rules even if they book him like dog shit. Speaking of people who are booked like shit, our king Booker T is his opponent tonight. No pun intended. So these guys are gonna proceed to have some bad matches on some PPV’s coming up, largely due to bad booking, but still they are sucky matches. This, however, was a blast for me, even with the DQ finish. Just good energy and action. Jamal, Rosey, & Rico run in to ruin the fun though…
Match rating - **1/2
Goldberg makes the save for Booker and clears house until Christian catches him from behind. Goldberg recovers and destroys 3MW some more as Christian retreats up the ramp. GOLDBERH SPEARS ROSEY THRIUVH THE DAMN BARRICADE MOTHERFUCKAAAAS. I don’t give a shit about Goldberg, but this rocked and Goldberg leaves through the crowd like a badass. Gotta love that shit.
“GOLDBERG JUST SPEARED ROSEY.. RIGHT. THROUGH. THAT. BARRICADE.” -Jonathan Coachman
6) Trish Stratus vs. Eric Bischoff
“He wants to take her to the hotel and tomorrow maybe take her to the woods and see if she’s the down to earth type.” … fuck Jerry Lawler. As if you didn’t already think or know how much of a piece of shit he is. Anyways. This is a clusterfuck. Eric says it’s No DQ. Trish chick kicks Eric at the bell and it rules. Then Jazz & Victoria come down and destroy Trish. Jazz literally destroys her man. Damn. Okay.. from here this just goes too far. Fuck this completely.
As Eric is being gross. A limo arrives and ITS LINDA MCMAHON. Save us, Linda. Eric tries to act like he’s trying to help Trish when he sees Linda on the tron heading toward the ring. They go to commercial and Eric has left the ring. Linda comes out and brings Eric back to the ring. She says he has to be held responsible for his actions. Eric tries to flirt with her to get out of it and it doesn’t work. Linda says she has a co general manager that Eric will split his duties with 50/50 and keep him in line. GLASS SHATTERS ITS STONE COLD !!!!! HELL YEAH. Austin stuns Eric and god damn right. This closes the show.
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